There is so much grace in poverty.

I am learning, day by day, moment by moment, need by need, the joy and freedom that there is in having nothing.

The other day, as I was getting ready to leave for school and trying to figure out on the long list of things I needed which ones I actually needed and which ones were consumerism eating away at me, I finally figured out that I really and truly needed jeans, before going back to school they were simply a necessity.  I had $3 in my wallet and owed $50 to my little brother.

So I said, "Lord, I trust that if I don't have it today, I don't need it today, but I need jeans." That night I got paid for doing drinks at a wedding, I had been promised $50, which I had already spent, so when I opened the envelope and $70 fell out, I payed my brother back and went to the store, $20 for jeans and I'm back to zero. One day at a time, I am given everything that I need.

Why does my life work this way? Because it's an adventure, it's real and it's messy and it requires walking on water. When necessities are given one at a time, it is so much easier to see them for the gifts that they are.

So, I'm learning to be poor and to love being poor.

Introverted Extrovert

Dear world,

I have a confession to make. I love people, but most often, I don't like them very much.
What do I mean you ask? Well, more and more I am learning, I am kind of a jerk.
I have begun to play a game called "how many of the events scheduled currently can I miss?!"
There is an utter glee in sitting in my room like a turd, wearing sweats and thinking thoughts instead of attending yet another graduation party, or awkward gathering of people I have to make small talk with.

The fact that I keep craving and carving out increasing amounts of alone time made me ask, "wait I am an extrovert right?" In many ways I think I am, I will be a depressed little pile of Fiona if I haven't had interaction with people in about a day, BUT more and more I either want nice short, sweet, fun interaction with strangers or good solid, quality interaction with close friends, I have lost all taste for the middle grounders who you talk about everything and nothing with for hours.

So, this is my official and public confession, I am an introverted extrovert. If you are interested in quality relationship or quippy strangerhood, then I am pleased to accept your invitation of time spent together, but if you want to stay in the awkward middle ground but expect me to squeeze you into my schedule, I'm sorry but I will be busy when you are free, I will be sitting in my room in a pair of pj's reading a book or putting pictures on my walls.